Exhaustion.

I've dropped another five pounds, which makes it 25 total that I have lost since the end of May/beginning of April.
I've been restricting a lot this week, but not consciously. We're in our final days at the school, so my days have been filled with cleaning and organizing and throwing things away. Even at night, I have paperwork to fill out and things to make (I hand-wrote about 70 cards to my kids and staff in one night. Not mandatory, but something I knew I would feel bad about if I didn't do). I don't think I've had more than 4 hours of sleep each night this week, no naps during the day like usual... I can feel myself on the verge of getting sick. Is this what a full time job is like? (That question stems from the fact that I am only USUALLY allowed to work 32 hours, but for this week and next week, I'm clocking in well over 32. I believe it's 36 for this week, and a solid 40 for next week.
Part of it is my procrastination, but part of it is also that my boss only gave us our closing paperwork and assignments this past Monday, with eight days of school left.
Like, you gotta be fucking kidding me.


Anyway, today I had a total of 940 calories.
-1 protein bar (170)
-1 small watermelon Coolatta from Dunkin' (240)
-1 blueberry muffin from Dunkin' (460)
-1 low-fat cheese stick (70)


For the amount of food I actually ate, that is a ridiculously high number of calories.

I feel hungry, but nothing really seems appealing. Like, I can feel my stomach growling, I know that my body is hungry, but my brain says, "Nope, no food. None of that is what I want."
And that's the amphetamines talking.


But tomorrow night, I get to go to bed as early as I want, without any obligations! I am so thrilled, I can't wait. And if I get my work done early tomorrow, I may be able to take a nap before my second shift! Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Confessions of a Cheese Addict

Have I ever told you all how much I love cheese? Baked, fried, plain, with crackers, on a sandwich, on pasta, etc.
I love cheese.

My mom found this sharp cheddar at the store that also has pieces of bacon in it. It is delicious.
A few years ago, my friend went to the Netherlands and smuggled back some of the most amazing cheese I've ever had. One was lavender cheese, and the other was coconut cheese. Fantastic.

There are 16 days left of the school year, 17 days left for me to work. My students aren't quite antsy yet, but I'm sure they will be within the next week or so. It's time to start wrapping up my life to move on to my next chapter.

It's kind of funny- if you had asked me in December if I would miss these kids, I would have told you, "HELL no." But now, it seems that we're all (mostly) at peace, and having a good time. There are a few of them that I will miss very dearly, but I think I can honestly say I will miss them all.



@Sammy, yeah, where I live it gets pretty cold, especially in the winter. My hometown was, at one point in time, the snow capital of the continental US. I wouldn't mind moving somewhere more temperate, but I don't think I could handle intense heat, especially without AC. I unfortunately don't have air conditioning in my house, due to the fact that my house was built in the early 1900s. My parents bought a window unit for their bedroom, back when my dad was in an accident and was mostly bedridden, but since his chemo and radiation last year, they haven't used it, because he still has a hard time regulating his body temp. I asked to put it in my room, but apparently it's too much of a hassle (insert annoyed face here).

@Bella, that's a really interesting connection about showers and EDs. I would love to see a post from you about your thoughts on that! Me personally, I just hate how much time it takes, and I hate my hair being wet.. I'd much rather be out doing stuff than wasting my life away in the shower!

@Niqi, I had a wonderful time kayaking in the sunshine! Thanks for your comment. :)