Starving In Suburbia

So there's this Lifetime movie called "Starving In Suburbia" that came out in 2014. It's about a dancer who becomes anorexic after logging onto a "pro-ana"website.

I don't know if any of you have seen it, or how you feel about it.
It started out okay, kind of cheesy.
And then turned into this horror film type deal. Honestly, I'm just laughing about it.

THEN this GOD AWFUL twist ending. Dear Lord.

I could go on.
I don't recommend watching it.
It's terrible.

Sluggish.

Lately I've been feeling really slow and heavy and not like a real person.
And I can almost guarantee that it's because I eat like crap 24/7.
So I put together a little detox for myself that I'm going to try. It's mostly just eating fruits and veggies and drinking water. Essentially.
There are a few days in the detox (it's 21 days long) that are "free" where I can eat what I want, mostly because I'm either at home those days or will be heavily drinking those days. So, free days.

I've decided that if I miss a day or mess up a day, one of those free days will be replaced with the day I fucked up. Also, I'm starting today with just water to get myself in the mood.


And also I don't want to be this fantastically bloated for graduation. So there you go.

What I Ate Today

-1 grapefruit with 2 tablespoons sugar
-3 glasses of milk (1 with chocolate syrup)
-1 pepperoni pizza Hot Pocket
-1 medium iced caramel latte
-1 cheese stick
-2 slices of pepperoni pizza
-5 slices of bacon
-2 pieces of toast with butter
-3 handfuls of sunflower seeds

I feel like my entire day today was just devoted to eating and sleeping.
I have got to remember to take my meds every day.

I've been feeling really down lately. I think it's partially the weather (overcast, rainy/snowy), and partially my hormones out of whack, but it's also that I don't really like myself at all.
Overall, I've done some bad things and made some bad choices, and instead of really truly feeling guilty about them or even sorry about them, it all just turns into how much I hate myself for being fat.

On a bright note, turns out I will be getting my tonsils out. June 8. Happy graduation to me.

I want more pizza.

I've been thinking...

It's 26 days until I graduate with a BA in English. 26 days until I have to go be a real adult (only not really, because I get to go work at camp for one more summer).

There's so much to do and so little time, I don't know how I'm going to accomplish anything.