4:30 pm

I learned today that I have to get a mouthguard because I grind my teeth at night.
Apparently, I'm very stressed.
It's going to cost almost $300.
And the stress level rises.


I won't be paying for it myself, but the glasses I just ordered yesterday cost my mom like $200.
I'm an expensive adult child.

I've lost four pounds since Monday, by restricting. I haven't been counting calories, I just haven't really been eating. It's too hot for that shit.

Last night was a lot of fun. It was interesting, anyway.


I need to clean my room.



I made my friend make me a pancake this morning afternoon. He made it with an entire TWO TABLESPOONS of butter. Possibly more.

I haven't eaten since. It hasn't been too long. I'm just not hungry. Like my brain is hungry but I'm making it shut up because I know it's not actually hungry.

Hot as BALLS.

I swear to God I know exactly what sweaty balls must feel like because I pretty much am one at this point. Time to shower and get ready for a night of raucous drinking. Woo.

I did eat a bowl of rice with ketchup. I know, weird. But I like the salt.
When I was making it I was like, "No, I don't want this... I don't even know why I'm making it."
And then it was done and smelled so good.

Only one bowl though. Maybe a cup and a half. Probably closer to two but let's aim low here, shall we?

Saving my calories for the liquids to come.
I should eat some more breadstuffs though... Don't want to puke.



A guy I used to have a huge crush on is coming tonight. With his girlfriend. I can't even hate him which makes me so mad. He's pretty much the nicest guy ever. We went through like 3 years after me having a crush on him when things were SO SO AWKWARD but now it's transformed into really good friends so cool. I'm cool with that.

Maybe.





I'm a terrible, horrible, no good very bad person. I'm a mean girl.

Whatever.

Dizzy.

I haven't eaten since 1am.
It's almost 3pm.
I've had a lot of caffeine.
Not enough.
I'm dragging.

I know I need to eat something soon. We're drinking tonight, so I have to eat something. Maybe some rice.

I feel dizzy.
Not like the bad kind of passing out dizzy.
But like the good dizzy, like a really clear high.





So there's this guy. I've known him for five years, and I hooked up with him up until this past fall. He's had a girlfriend all five years I've known him.
We work together over the summer.
It's so stupid. I hate him, but I don't. He's one of my really good friends and I like hanging out with him.
But then sometimes we get drunk and hands and mouths find each other and things happen.
And then I hate him again.



Goddamn I need a joint.